Mine Not Mine

Sometimes, somebody who's mine...is not actually mine.

I don’t know why

It’s just don’t feel right

One second you’re here

But on the next blink

You’re halfway out the door

Like a broken window

Leaving me cold all alone

I don’t buy

Even if here tonight

You’re next to me

Cause i’m so afraid

When I open my eyes

You’re no longer here anymore

Bridge: By the time I realized

 Now you are mine

 But then you are not mine

Reff: I’m just a girl

Who’s truly madly deeply in love

With you, tonight

I wish you were here

But now, you can’t make it

I end up disappointed

Maybe you are mine

But you are not really mine

Now I know why

Cause from the start

You’re just borrowed

Who you’re belong to

I never really knew

But they own everything of you

Back to Bridge & Reff

But...but...

But I can’t wait, wait…

Till the time comes

When I finally can

Own you for myself

And I...I...…

I don’t wanna share, share…

Always be together

From now to forever

Back to Reff

Not yet really mine...

It's been a while

So, just in case you're wondering about where am i along this time
No new posting, no new lyric or poetry
Since my last post, i've been really busy
You know, doing my somehow troublesome final exams, psychology stuffs
It stressed me out, but i did it very well
Got IP 3.9 as the result, only 1 subject AB and i got A for the other 7! :D
After that, i was on a looooooooong vacation with my boyfriend for about 3 weeks
Then when the vacation over, we went back to our own home in different city for a while
And here i am, sitting on my own-old-room, safe and sound :)

Tbh, i don't like the feeling of being separated from my boyfriend
it makes me feel sooooooo insecure
it turns me into a badass mood-swingy sensitive girl
Even a simple thing could make me so mad with him
but in the other side, i miss him like crazy!

Sometimes...just sometimes...
I feel like i could never have him for my own
Cause, you know..his family, relatives
they often ask him to do this / that together
and when he's so busy there doing his family "stuffs"
all i'm doing is just sitting here all alone
do nothing, simply feeling so lonely and upset.

I know it's not his mistake that he couldn't have enough time for me
It's this damn hell situation!
I don't know why
but it feels like, he always choose his family over me
Eventho he always said that he will always choose me, i'm his priority, i'm his number one, or everything that sounds like that
I just can't fully believe in him
Because from the start, it seems like i was uninvited in his family
I'm always afraid that he doesn't has enough courage to choose me over his family
And everytime i think about it, i always end up crying like a fool
Simply,  i'm just afraid that someday he will leave me.

Ah, enough with it.
Just writing about it makes me feel torn apart again.
So, start from couple days ago, one of my cousin, Beatrice, is staying at my home
she accompanies me & we've done lot of fun stuffs
Badminton, Doggy-sitting, cooking, even we have a shower together :p Lols!
It does make me feel much better
At least, i could be happy for a while :)

I'd love to write longer but i can't
my mom is calling, duh :p
I'll catch up later~

- xoxo, RR -

Flashback

Malam ini aku termanggu

memutar kembali layar lebar dalam benakku

seperti membuka album lama berselimut debu

lucu...

bahwasannya belum setahun berlalu

Tapi benar itu mengingatkanku

pada kali pertama kita bersua waktu itu

bukan kebetulan aku bertemu denganmu

setelah lama aku terbelenggu penantianku

dan entah sejak kapan dan bagaimana

kamu tahu-tahu sudah masuk begitu saja

mengisi ruang kosong di sudut sana

sempat dalam sosokmu kudapati ada dirinya

kini kusadari kamu memang berbeda

namun masih sering kudapati diriku bertanya

layak kah perasaanku padamu ini disebut cinta?

apa mungkin aku hanya sedang mencoba menyembuhkan luka?

sebab bukan sebentar aku bergelung dalam lara

dan kini kamu muncul bagai setetes air di dahsyatnya dahaga

bolehkah aku terlena?

hampir setiap hari memandangimu di kejauhan

membuat dilema ini semakin bersarang menyulut penasaran

apakah kamu melihatku seperti kumelihatmu?

tapi tak sedikitpun aku tahu

bahkan tentang siapa kamu...

aku masih terlalu malu untuk mencari tahu

padahal irama hati ini sudah kian menggebu-gebu

saat kamu ada di dekatku

saat kamu berdiri di sampingku

bahkan saat tak sengaja kamu menggenggam tanganku

bersama kita melantunkan kenangan di senja itu

dan kali ini, egoku sudah tak mau tahu

Percayakah kamu jika kukatakan betapa girangnya aku 

kali pertama kamu bicara padaku

tersenyum padaku

bercanda dan tertawa bersamaku

dan malam itu...

betapa aku tak ragu-ragu memintamu

sejenak aku ragu akan kewarasanku

tapi tak pula kuhiraukan malu yang memburu

aku terlanjur mencintai sosokmu di potret itu

yang tak pernah membuatku jemu

dan tak bisa kupercaya bagaimana kisah ini begitu cepat terjadi

rasanya seperti mimpi yang membuatku enggan bangun kembali

kamu disini, kumiliki...

seolah kutemukan apa yang selama ini kucari-cari

yang berharga dan tak kan pernah kulepaskan lagi

kamu sudah memiliki hati ini tanpa bisa kuingkari

jadi kumohon jangan pernah beranjak dari sini

sebab ku tlah lelah berlari

dan di pelukanmulah aku ingin berhenti.

I miss blogging!

Wazza!

It's been a while since the last time i wrote sumtin here. Well, lemme tell you some of stuffs i have to deal with along these past weeks.

1. Choiring
on August 27th, i joined my University Choirs recruitment for the next Graduation. I thought i wouldn't make it anyway cuz i was fuckin nervous so that i couldn't sing in my best. But, i was quite shock when the senior told me that i am 1 of 100 choosen persons, and i got Alto section. Felt like, "WOW!".. and since i'm on the team, i have to do my best. We practice almost everyday except monday and sunday. 'Fiuhh' but fun! =D

2. Assignments & quizes everywhere
This is the 4rth week of me in the university and day by day feels harder. Many assigments have to be done on time, sudden quizes, more sleepless night...hell yeah, thank God i can still survive even with this 'panda eyes' O_O

So those are what i'm up to right now...so, don't worry if i didn't write as much as before...i'm still alive, just a bit busier.. ;)

K, bye! xoxo

Jepang, aishiteru :*

Ini adalah salah satu foto yang Rei dapat saat mencari-cari berita seputar pasca gempa dan tsunami yang telah melanda negeri Bunga Sakura, Jepang, lima hari yang lalu.
Miris bukan?
Doraemon ini terlalu lucu jika harus terfoto dengan latar belakang puing-puing bencana alam.

Saat melihat gambar ini, entah kenapa rasanya jadi ingin menangis.
Mungkin, yah... Jujur, cita-cita Rei sekarang ini adalah bisa menuntut ilmu di salah satu perguruan tinggi di Jepang, pasca lulus SMU.
Tapi, melihat kondisi Jepang yang demikian. Entahlah, ada rasa getir tersendiri yang menggelayut di dalam hati.

Well, tapi...who knows?
Kalau nanti sudah aman dan terkendali, kenapa ngga?

Keinginan untuk bisa menjejakan kaki ini di Jepang dan hasrat untuk bisa menuntut ilmu di sana, ditambah dengan hobi-hobi dan kecintaan terhadap karya-karya asal Jepang, terlalu susah untuk diredam kalau hanya karena alasan 'takut'.

Tapi, yah...namanya juga cita-cita.
Suatu waktu bisa saja berubah, kan? ^^

Yang pasti, suatu kehidupan, di mana masih ada jiwa dan raga yang berusaha, pasti ada tujuan.
Soal 'hadiah' yang diterima dari perjuangan, itu urusan belakangan.
Karena yang penting bukanlah akhirnya, tapi bagaimana kita memulai dan menjalaninya.

saa, minna! Ganbarimashou ne~ \(^o^)/